til death so us part, the old ball and chain, in sickness and health and all the other cliches you could think of… but to me, the most important message behind marriage really is commitment.
I grew up seeing marriages, I grew up seeing divorce. I witnessed grown adults try to “make it work for the kids” when it clearly wasn’t, I saw sacrifice and I saw selfishness.
My own parents divorced when I was 9, my sister 6, my brother 3. Being a child of divorce, I felt different than my peers at the time, and being at one point so close with my father, I felt extremely jealous of my friends with present dads in their lives, with the "perfect" family.
To be clear -- I don't believe marriage is perfect, and I do believe that in some cases, divorce is the best and healthiest way a family can operate. I just know for me, marriage was the ultimate goal. Not the end game, but the starting point of sharing a life with someone, a committed partner.
I’ve always been mature beyond my years, I’ve heard it from everyone growing up. But one thing from a very young age I was totally sure of was that despite seeing my parents unhealthy relationship unfold, despite watching a nasty divorce — I wanted to get married, to do it once, to grow old with a special someone, to raise a family, to be just as in love when we were old and wrinkly as our first date.
To me, marriage is a commitment, a choice, and a partnership. The ultimate support system, teammate, friend.
I knew I would only marry someone fiercely loyal and devoted. A family man with the same values as me, someone that I could grow with and dream big with and chase those goals alongside.
I had very, VERY high standards. I didn’t intend to waste much time either, I guess, because I played at recess in the fourth grade with my husband, became good friends, and by junior high I was sure he would be the one I would marry.
Trust me, I am well aware it seems beyond silly or even cliche. Writing the last name of your crush with your first name in your journal, thinking your high school love will be your “forever.“
I guess I really did just know, I felt it in my bones. That’s not to say we didn’t have to overcome things along the way in our relationship — navigating what we wanted to do with our lives, being long distance while I was away at college, and all the growing up that happens from 14 to 24 — it was a lot. But looking back, I can truly say there is no one else I would have done it all with, and looking forward, there is nothing I can imagine in my future without him.
I believe in marriage because I believe in love and in sharing life with those who we love and love us right back.
I believe in marriage because I think we all have love to give and room to grow, and having someone who sees you at your best and worst and every moment in between to challenge you is a tremendous blessing.
I believe in marriage because I believe in family, a devoted foundation of forever with someone you trust and respect and do not quaver in your belief in. I know this isn't everyone's story, and called me old fashioned, but I very much wanted to be married before having children.
I believe in marriage because two can accomplish so much more than one -- it's not a huge secret that marriage is a substantial hack to wealth and prosperity, and I'm exceptionally proud that my husband and I both contribute and work towards shared goals.
I believe in marriage as an option for everybody, not a requirement for a happy life, but an added bonus, a companion, a cheerleader.
And yet while I write out all these affirmations of what I believe in, I try not to be clouded by innocence or ignorance. I know marriage and relationships are hard, I know in my less than two years of spousal experience is nothing compared to those with 50+. I know almost 50% of people get divorced. Yet still, I believe in love, and more importantly, the commitment of love in the form of marriage. I believe that those who say they will never get married simply haven't met the person that they would want to marry yes, because if when that person asks it's not a "hell yes!" then hunny, it's a no.
I hope for my loved ones to have marriages even more beautiful than their weddings (but I do appreciate a good party and an open bar!), I hope that wherever you are at, whatever relationship you are in as you read these words is kind and compassionate and full of respect, love, and honor. I hope you never settle, I hope you know your worth and dictate your needs (love languages!). If you are single, I hope you never give up on love and marriage, because in my opinion, it's not "just a piece of paper." I hope you know you are worthy of love, you deserve to be cherished and adored and made the ultimate priority.
Our aspirations of love from the movies are trite compared to the real world, and with analogies like "ball and chain" it's no wonder so many are scared off. In my humble opinion, in my rambling thoughts, I hold fast to the beauty of what marriage could be. Of the magic two people who make each other smile, treat each other fairly, and communicate honestly can create. Of what the future generations that can see healthy marriages can create!
I believe in good marriages, I believe in growing and gratitude and gestures of love, and commitment. And I believe it's out there for everyone.
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