a cashier wished me “happy Mother’s Day!” and I had to pause — whoa, me?
I’ve dreamt of a family of my own since I was young but to be honest I was a little nervous about becoming a mom.
not because of the diapers or the demands, but because of the relationship and bond I’d form with my children — like, would they like me?
I never had the best relationship with my own mom, but for better or worse she taught me many lessons.
The thing is, there were so many lessons in my mind I knew I wanted to teach my children. I promised God in waiting for my first baby I would teach them all these wonderful things.
But in the past three months, it’s remarkable how much motherhood has taught me.
Mother’s day in the past seemed trivial at best, an excuse for people to brag about their moms on social media in a post she’d never see instead of just telling her all these nice things in person.
Mother’s day last year was hard, in a season of waiting, but less than two weeks later everything about Mother’s Day changed.
God knew I needed a baby girl to fulfill all I dreamt of as a girl, and more importantly, to teach me all the things I never realized I needed to know.
Patience, for one, a form of patience you’d never believe the old Courtney could offer.
Humility — leaking breasts and adult diapers and the acceptance that it’s a hot mess express and that’s okay.
A better relationship with my husband. All the blogs tell you be prepared to fight with your S.O. but my own experience couldn’t be farther from the truth. When sleep is sparse and a screaming baby demands focus, good communication is paramount. We’ve talked about anything and everything and parenthood has only brought us closer. And seeing him as a dad? 🔥
Peace. I can’t explain it, nor could I ever have been prepared for the sense of peace being with my daughter brings me. I am her caretaker, her provider, her safe place. When she is content in my arms, smiling up at me with that gummy grin, cloud nine doesn’t even come close to the high I feel.
being a mama is more of a blend than a balance (@Jenna Kutcher!) and it’s beautiful and hard in the sense that it never stops. There are breaks and babysitters but even on date night all we do is talk about that little girl.
to be a mama means sacrifice and stains, early mornings and late nights but the most innocent, hope-filled eyes staring up at you each time you’re woken up.
it’s everything I thought and nothing like I imagined all at the same time, and I can’t think of a word more fitting than grateful to describe the immense warmth just the thought of it brings.
While I don’t want to gloss over the hard with all the sugar and spice and everything nice, it’s hard to arrive at this day that the calendar says is about you and not focus on the you that you have become.
I’m so proud of this me, the young girl version of me would be too, and as she grows, I pray my daughter will be proud, too.
to mamas out there in the peaks and valleys of parenthood, to those waiting for their baby, to those who have lost a baby, to those who have lost their mom or don’t have a great relationship with their mom, to those who have opened their hearts and adopted, to the mother figures, to anyone, everyone reading this —
to be a mama is a blessing.
to love a mama (past or present) is a gift.
it’s not always easy but it’s always worth it.
and if it’s on your heart to be a mama, your time will come!
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