I used to cringe at a caption or blog post title like this one, but here we are, cringe-worthy and more completely fulfilled than I ever even though imaginable.
This photo (captured by the one & only Auntie Cait 🥳) had me all up in my feels and something in my heart just called me to scribble out these words tonight. So here we go.
I always, always, always imagined having a family of my own. From a young age I was go go go and wanted to be involved in everything. I wanted to learn everything, make the most of quite literally every opportunity, and really just was so internally driven to succeed and excel.
As I’ve matured (okay, I’m only 24 so if we’re being fair my brain still isn’t fully formed yet) I’ve realized that even though that my internal motivation is great, I’ve had to define what success looks like, dig deep to the reasons why I was pushing so hard — what actually brought me happiness?
I really hate to sound cliche but the materialistic stuff was never a driving force of happiness for me. Actually, it was more a cause of buyers remorse, like why did I spend money on this stupid pair of shoes everyone has when they aren’t even comfortable. True story — I once wrote “Uggs” on the back of my knockoff $20 boots in middle school to prove a point that it was just a label.
Don’t get me wrong, I love deals, I love a good haul of baby clothes for my girl. But as much as I can’t turn down a deal at TJMaxx, I’ve never cared about name brands, about the “fluff.” At least in a way that I am able to admit that none of that brings me true joy.
True joy is this girl, is this little family we are creating, is the simple memories and moments shared at home or out exploring together.
Looking back now, so many of my personal goals and my shared goals with my husband had to do with our “future family.”
Going to college and getting good jobs to be able to provide for our future family. Working hard to save money and build a home for our future family. Sometimes, changing jobs when the schedules weren’t cohesive to our goals for our family. It’s really always been about the fam.
So this picture, gosh, it feels like some sort of finish line but at the same time, also a starting line.
This precious little baby, who is learning and growing SO MUCH every single day is more than we ever could have dreamt of and hoped for. And not because she does or does not sleep through the night, either. But because she is ours, she is curious, and beautiful, and happy — because she finds comfort in us when she is scared, she feels secure enough to fall asleep on our chests, because she looks for us when she learns something new with that big cheesy toothless grin.
So while we’ve “made it” the journey is really only just beginning. Each new day brings new challenges, new curveballs (hello, teething!) but also new memories that I just want to soak up with a sponge and store in my brain and never let go.
This picture is a reminder that truly, my most important work will be my family. And not because I’ll shape them into whatever I want, not because of some allusive “perfection” status I want to present to the world, some tacky label on a pair of shoes…
But because this is what brings me the most happiness, this is what I have worked so hard for so long for, and it’s a wild ride that’s only just underway.
I have so much to learn, I have mistakes to make, and boy, does she keep me humble when I think I know more than she does. It amazes me how I once naively thought “if I had a child, I would teach them so much” when in reality she has taught me more than I ever thought possible.
And as much as I love my job, as much as I strive to be active and support my community and think volunteerism is important, my family will ALWAYS be MOST important.
As time flys by, I remind myself every single day to hold her tight and soak it in because each day is truly fleeting and so much can change in twenty four hours.
Side note, if you’re on the fence about wanting children, I can attest that while life altering it is the most fulfilling and tremendously beautiful journey to witness the growth of someone that is half you and half someone you love. It’s such a magical blessing, truly a wonder, and it just blows my mind that we have a child. I still get chills thinking I have a daughter, that I’m someone’s mom.
Anyway, that’s all I got to say about that #ForrestGump
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