changing by the day

rocking my baby to sleep tonight, looking down at her sweet, innocent face, I caught myself thinking about how she won’t always be this little, she won’t always fit in my arms like this, need her mama and daddy the way she does at just one month old.

you hear the cliches of babies “growing up so fast,” you get the advice to soak up every moment, and sure, I knew things wouldn’t stay this way forever. but an unexpected lesson she has reaffirmed for me thus far is that change is inevitable, and that we all are constantly evolving and growing.

I’m not the same wife, friend, or human I was before January 12th 2022. Its something no one quite prepares you for, that of course you are birthing a child, but you’re also birthing a whole new you. Personally, motherhood has made me softer. More patient. I appreciate my life even more, I honor and cherish what I prioritize my time on now, I celebrate my body and give myself grace when I need rest or my brain feels like mush. It’s been a beautiful change, but just like Ellie won’t always be little, I won’t always be this way or that way or any which way at all.

looking back on each chapter of my life thus far there’s been very few “always” that have never changed.

I started dating my husband at fourteen, and Lord knows we’ve both changed immensely since then, supporting one another through growth and cheering each other on at each stage of life has been one of my most treasured accomplishments as a couple. To think if we had just said “well this is the way I am” or never had a shared vision of the future, never had goals, where we might be. Likely not married, I’d guess. I think accepting growth in a relationship is just as essential as communication and fidelity, you aren’t going to be the same you, your partner is going to be the same partner, and your happiness together requires you to grow both independently and with one another, to reach for the same goals, and love each version of them at each chapter of life.

Culturally and emotionally I grew so much by leaving my hometown. I was just talking to my sister about the importance of this, of getting out and seeing more of the world than what you grew up with. You can’t comprehend possibility without proving its existence, nor can you value perspective until you hear someone other than own’s. I think be it a week, a semester, a conversation, a lifelong connection to a world outside of your circle of familiarity is essential to growth.

every crossroad, big decision, obstacle, hardship, or victory in my twenty four years of life has been accompanied by or the result of change.

so now, looking down at my daughter, looking at my past, looking towards the future I whole-heartedly affirm that no, it won’t be like this for long. and yes, she will continue to change by the day, as will I, as will life.

on a total baby update related note: eek! she is just getting so big and all those milestone updates that new parents give aside, she amazes me everyday simply by her existence. I don’t know that she’ll grow up to become the first woman President or some Olympic champion, but I do know that she will have two loving supportive parents, cheering her on always, that we will support her growth and affirm to her that she can do anything she sets her mind to.

growth, y’all. strive for it!